Apr
17
This OAB Roundtable is about money. Specifically, it’s about how money influences our adoption.
Money had a lot to do with our initial interest in foster-care adoption. We were eventually (actually, K was eventually) talked into a domestic infant adoption; we had never even considered that, because we didn’t think we would qualify financially. I suspect strongly, but don’t know for certain, that money contributed to M’s choosing an adoptive placement for School Girl.
I know that the times when M was out of work were times that we didn’t see or hear from her. I know that now when she’s been working regularly, we have seen more of her. Which is a good thing, honestly.
Money played a huge, huge part in our not adopting a second time. Part of the reason was our ages, but a large part was that we simply couldn’t afford having another round of baby things – diapers, formula, things like that. I didn’t work at a job during the time School Girl was younger, and when K was “transitioning between employers” we really couldn’t afford another person. I know that was a big deal for M. We have never talked about that, but I suspect it was a disappointment for her. Even if we had chosen to adopt from foster care, it still would have been difficult financially for us. Certainly right now.
I have a friend whose mother took some drug while pregnant to avoid morning sickness, which made both she and her brother sterile. She told me she couldn’t adopt because she and her husband couldn’t afford it. It’s too bad that money would be an issue between a child having a home or not.
Your talk about your husband ‘transition between employers’ stuck a cord with me.
That’s because I am a first mom and my sons adoptive dad was in that ‘transition’ just a year ago. For them, it was a bit different because my sons adoptive mom(who was planning on resigning her job) just took on the ‘provider’ role. Personally I was disappointed that she could not be the primary caregiver I imagined she would be.
Strange that I should have cared so much for *her* to do the mothering when the adoptive dad is actually very capable. As well, there is actually nothing wrong with daycares, no matter my adversion to them..
I am sorry you could not adopt more children. Really, I wish that it did not cost what it does.