Our Agency: OAB Roundtable #18
This latest prompt from the Open Adoption Roundtable deals with some things I've been reluctant to write about (hard to believe, I know). I have learned the hard way not to talk trash about people online - it's never a good outcome. But...well...here's the prompt: We each interacted with at least one professional during the adoption process (agency, lawyer, facilitator, consultant, hospital social worker, etc.). What was one thing that they did that was most supportive of open adoption? What one thing was least supportive? Hmm... Let's start from the top. Our state requires all adoptions to go through some ...
Gallery
This latest prompt from the Open Adoption Roundtable deals with some things I’ve been reluctant to write about (hard to believe, I know). I have learned the hard way not to talk trash about people online – it’s never a good outcome. But…well…here’s the prompt:
We each interacted with at least one professional during the adoption process (agency, lawyer, facilitator, consultant, hospital social worker, etc.). What was one thing that they did that was most supportive of open adoption? What one thing was least supportive?
Hmm…
Let’s start from the top. Our state requires all adoptions to go through some sort of agency; either a county Department of Social Services or a private agency, non-profit or for-profit. There are also separate social workers for potential adoptive parents and expectant parents. We didn’t deal with lawyers per se, not even really for our finalization hearing. The people we worked with were with our adoption agency; a non-profit agency, supposedly non-religious and LGBT-friendly.
They also advertised themselves as being pro-openness. One of the first things that we did with our social worker was to put ourselves in the place of an expectant parent deciding whether or not to place. That really helped me to choose more openness rather than less. She also gave us the packet of things from M that opened up our adoption a little bit more. That was huge in determining how our adoption would start off.
Unfortunately, our social worker also did her bets to caution against opening our adoption fully. Just letters, pictures (according to the schedule, of course – oh, and could you send the first set of pictures as soon as you get home from the placement? You know, to keep on that tight schedule) and occasional visits. In a neutral location, with both sets of social workers present. Like all the other “open adoptions” she had worked with before. Give out an untraceable cell phone for a phone number. Don’t put your last name on any correspondence. Oh, and all correspondence must be according to the schedule and through the agency. “Once you give a piece of information away, you’ll never get it back.” Such a big help when we were struggling with how open to be with School Girl’s other family.
We have had a more and more open adoption with M, C & J over the years. But I cannot honestly say that our agency was a help to us. I’ve also learned that that particular agency is much more supportive of openness than previously. Which is nothing but good for new clients.
We’ve gotten far more help from School Girl’s other family and our own instincts than from anyone else when it comes to our open adoption.
OAB Roundtable by .
As of 20 min. ago, our company was heading out to the airport. Time to air out the house (which sounds a bit worse than it is).
Going Down to the River – Saffire: The Uppity Blues Women
There is a Light That Never Goes Out – Morrissey
Pleasure and Pain – The Divinyls
No Time Like Now – Translator
Electric Car – They Might Be Giants
Symphonie Fantastique, Op. 14: 1. Rêveries, Passions (Largo – Allegro agitato et appassionato assai) – Berlioz
I am Not Your Broom – They Might Be Giants
Come See About Me – The Supremes
Who Pays, Who Prays – F-Minus
String Quartet No. 8 in c, Op. 110: Largo – Shostakovich
Friday Random 10 by .
I don’t write about religion much here. Or the lack of same. But this is a serious thing that affects more children than I want to think about. As a parent, I just can’t imagine not taking a child to the doctor. But there are plenty of people who don’t – not because they can’t afford to, not because they don’t have a doctor that they can easily access, but because their church tells them that healing can happen with prayer alone.
There are lots of examples of this, a disturbing number of which involve dead children. Here’s the latest example. The only difference is that, thanks to Oregon’s DHS and the court system, she’s not dead yet.
Take a look at the picture at the above link. She’s just a baby, not even a year old. Her condition could have been treated easily if it had been addressed sooner, but now she needs surgery. At the very least, she could lose her sight.
Bottom line, as the kids say: Prayer doesn’t work, but doctors almost always work. My faith’s with the doctors.
Parenting by .
Our guest decided that she had second, third and fourth thoughts about meeting School Girl’s other family. She doesn’t feel comfortable. She doesn’t want to see the National Monument as much as she thought she did. Along with lots of other talk about “School Girl must feel confused (um, no; the relationships that she has with everyone are clear to her, although not complete exactly)”, “It must be so hard” (exactly how hard it all is and for whom is not your fscking business), and the like. The usual stuff from people who really don’t know anything about adoption at all. Except this is from someone who has been an ostensible part of School Girl’s life for the past 8 1/2 years.
I need to break the news to M and C. We’ll probably see them next weekend, so there’s that. I’m not surprised, just disappointed. I had hoped things had changed out East. Apparently not enough.
Parenting by .
So. Sometime over the next 10 days or so (unless somebody blinks) at least 2 parts of School Girl’s extended family will meet for the first time.
Mr. Goth’s mother will be here at the end of the week. One of the places she’d like to visit is very close to C’s house. I talked to C, and she said she’d love to meet her. Apparently Mr. Goth talked to his mother, who was also okay with it. We’ll see what happens.
M and School Girl are on the phone right now. I have no idea if she wants to meet Mr. Goth’s mother or not. But we’ll see. If nothing else we can meet up the weekend before she goes back to school, at the end of this month.
Parenting by .
Buttons, Rings and Other Things
Subscribe to this feed here:- The healing power of prayerdoctors July 29, 2010 spyderkl
Have a listen…
