Evil Mommy

John P. (Jack) Murtha, the longest-serving U.S. Representative from PA, died yesterday following complications from a gall bladder infection.

Murtha represented a small, poor district in western PA for 44 years. He was also Chairman of the House defense appropriations subcommittee, an outspoken critic of the war in Iraq, and a Vietnam veteran who often spoke out in support of our troops. Say what you will about him, but he was never afraid to say what was on his mind. He also made sure to look after the groups of people he thought were important – particularly his constituents. He will be terribly, terribly missed.

Yes, it’s the first weekend in February. Getting ready for all kinds of things this month…

Can’t Hardly Wait – The Replacements
Good Fortune – PJ Harvey
Stigmata Martyr – Abney Park
Svo Hijótt – Sigur Róss
Ballade #4 in f, Op. 52 – Chopin
Interzone – Joy Division
Smash it Up, Pt. 2 – The Damned
Stars are Rising – Eddi Reader and Sun Jae Park
French Suite # 5 in G BWV 816: Sarabande – J. S. Bach
I Just Can’t be Happy Today – The Damned
Bonus: Shaday – Ofra Haza

This is old news, but I’m still a little bit pissed off about it anyway. By “a little bit pissed off”, I mean calmed down from the apoplectic rabid crazy ranting that I was doing when I first heard about this story.

The Super Bowl is a huge, huge extravagnaza, designed to attract football fans and their helpless victimsfamilies who are also watching. The two big non-football draws are the halftime show (fscking hell, did it have to be The Who???) and the commercials. The commercials are largely ignored at Chez Evil, mostly because that’s when we’re either on the phone or in the kitchen. Except for this year.

CBS has decided, in their infinite wisdom, to allow this commercial/PS announcement sponsored by Focus on the Family (sorry, I don’t link to those people; Google it) and featuring Tim Tebow, star quarterback of the Florida Gators, and his mother. It’s another spin on the classic “pro-life”/anti woman argument against abortion: A young woman had the choice to abort her unborn fetus or not. She chose not to, and that baby became…Ludwig van Beethoven/Barack Obama/George Washington/fill-in-the-blank-with-your-favorite-famous-person-here. This time it happens to be Tebow. As of today, CBS still plans on airing the commercial during the game.

If you recall, a couple of years ago the network turned down a commercial sponsored by the United Church of Christ which featured an inclusive (ie. not hostile toward LBGT people) message. At the time, the reason they gave for their decision was, “We don’t air advocacy ads.” I think that’s a fine policy. It’s a very sensible policy. I also think that in this instance it should be strictly adhered to, and the commercial should be removed from the lineup for the broadcast.

Actually, none of our teams made it to the Super Bowl this year. Not even to the playoffs almost two weeks ago. So we might settle for a nice Cajun dinner and a couple rounds of Call of Cthulhu.

Happy February, or School Girl’s Birthday Month. It’s been a while since I’ve done a weekend update sort of post, so I thought I’d do one today. Not that there’s nothing to write about, but I’m a little busy (more about that in a minute).

School Girl was invited to a sleepover at her BFF’s on Friday. I got to meet their mutual friend, and said friend’s dad, when I took her over. Her dad’s a Chicago guy; always a plus with us, and seems very friendly to boot. It’s looking good for a sleepover with all three of them “soon”. Sadly, I had been pretty ill most of the day Friday, so our Big Night Out was Mexican food and MMA at home.

Saturday was also a lost day. I think we went shopping after School Girl got home, but I don’t honestly remember. And yesterday…

Yesterday we took the puppy out for a walk at a local open space. Open Space parks here are a bit like forest preserves back in Illinois, except the open spaces here aren’t as developed. This particular one’s an old favorite of ours: easy to get to, fairly easy hiking (at least in the winter), and not too many other hikers. This park also allows bikes and horses, and I think we might bring the bikes this spring when the trails dry off. It was a beautiful day. Not too cold, bright screaming sunshine, and quiet. The puppy had a great time; School Girl did too, and wound up walking a surprisingly long way without complaint. I wasn’t feeling all that hot at the start of the hike, but I was a lot better by the time we got back to the car. It was good to get outside. Afterwards, we watched about 10 minutes worth of the Pro Bowl.

And today, everybody else seems to have what I had Friday. Happy start to the week…

This fortnight’s question for the Open Adoption Bloggers Roundtable is hosted by Andy from Today’s the Day!. It’s something that doesn’t affect us every day anymore, but is still a sensitive topic for me (and job security for my therapist). Here it is:

We often hear about open adoptions where the two sides don’t want the same level of openness. First mothers who don’t get updates as often as they would like, or not as many visits each year. Or adoptive parents who want to include their child’s first mother in his life, but she is not ready.

But what we don’t often discuss is when people on the same side of the triad can’t agree on the level of openness in an adoption.

* It could be a wife who wants a fully open adoption but the husband only wants to send letters once a year.
* Or a first mother isn’t ready for an open adoption but the first father wants to be part of the baby’s life.
* Maybe a spouse isn’t supportive of their partner entering into reunion with their first mother.
* Or a partner who came along after the adoption and isn’t comfortable with your relationship with your placed child.
* And the classic Hallmark movie of the year scenario: Your mother-in-law is convinced that the baby will be snatched away from under your nose if you have an open adoption.

How would/do you navigate these situations? Does your current relationship impact the type of open adoption that you have? How does this affect your current relationship?

we have a mostly-but-not-quite-all-the-way-open adoption at present. School Girl’s first mother and her family have had what most people would call an open adoption arrangement with us from almost the beginning. By “open” I mean we shared identifying information (not everything right away; that’s what happens when you listen too much to other people), we sent cards, letters and pictures (to be honest, we shared pictures on a reciprocal basis only with M’s parents; the only time School Girl receives anything at all from M is when she feels able to visit), and the at least annual visit. We have only met School Girl’s paternal aunt and have no information at all about her first father’s family other than his first name, a brief autobiography, and two brief meetings with him around the time of School Girl’s placement. Anyway.

Our extended family and our social worker were…less than enthusiastic about sharing identifying information with School Girl’s other family. We were told by our social worker to not write our names on sent mail, only our return addresses. We were also advised not to give out our home phone number, which would show our names on their Caller ID; only to meet at neutral locations, preferably with a “uninterested third party” present at all times during the meeting; and never ever to invite them to our home. In short, we were discouraged from opening up our adoption at all. Being the contrarian I am, it made me both determined to open our adoption further and scared as hell to do so.

Our family…I’m a little more reluctant to talk about our extended family and their responses to our adoption. Suffice it to say that there have been very few instances of actual support for adoption in general from certain people, and even less support for any attempts at closeness with School Girl’s other family. Having said all that, I can tell you that my sister has been the one person who has been the most supportive about adoption in general. While she still has questions about our relationship with M and C, she’s at least willing to educate herself about open adoptions. I’ll leave it at that.